FixUP

And then there were three!

Our years, our days, our minutes, our lives are completely changed when a child enters the picture. Upside down, inside out, I honestly had no idea how profoundly our relationship would change when we added a little person to our family. 

Really really great stuff happened. Our hearts expanded, our ability to sacrifice was maximized, we were learning and growing at breakneck speed. Being parents had rocked our world, but we lost each other in the process. It happens to the best of us.

I will never forget the moment when I, a big as a house pregnant woman, went to the courthouse to do some eviction work for my job as a property manager. The 40-something judge, who was charged with signing my paperwork asked me to sit down for a minute. I was 24, out of my element and sweating bullets as I faced the judge resplendent in his black robes. I was unprepared for the outpouring of emotions he displayed as he told me that his wife had just given birth to their sixth child. He told me that he felt invisible, unimportant, lost in a sea of children and responsibilities. He implored me to not forget my husband in the process of having a child. I walked away determined not make the same mistake, and then I had the baby and he needed EVERYTHING from me. And I did what I had promised myself I would never do, I put everything I had into the child and neglected the boy.

Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him.
L. Whitney Clayton

I had work to do. I needed to FixUp my marriage, pronto. It started with the conscious choice to stop what I was doing and focus on my husband for a few minutes when he came home from work. The change also involved babysitters, paid and unpaid. (yeah for family) I started to flirt with my husband again. I engaged in adult conversation. I sat by HIM at church. My husband once again became the center of my world. And then I regressed and struggled and tried again. Honestly, with the birth of each child, I wrestled to regain my equilibrium and reengage my marriage relationship. 

Today we are almost empty-nesters, four of our five children are grown and have families of their own. In the grand scheme of things, our children are everything to me, but it would be catastrophic if I had lost the boy in the process. He is my forever, my always, my best friend, my favorite person, my most important relationship. 

Marriage UP

3 Things that can help you FixUP your marriage

This advice: Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems

 This video: Prioritizing Marriage in the Midst of Motherhood

These dates: 8 Date Night Ideas for Exhausted Parents

Make your marriage GREAT!  Erin