GrowUP


"This is my mother-in-law, Erin."

The first time my son-in-law referred to me using this loaded label, I cringed. As a newly minted mother-in-law, I was now tasked with proving that I wasn't one of those stereotypical, demanding, bossy, needy, marriage problem creating mothers-in-law. 

Long before I became a mother-in-law, I was a daughter-in-law, the latter label only slightly less shameful than the former. Honestly, I am a good enough daughter-in-law but no one would use me as a model for awesome daughter-in-law-ing. 

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. Genesis 2:24

When a bride takes her beautiful, family baggage loaded self and connects herself forever with her equally attractive, family entrenched man, it is not surprising that everyone will need to make significant adjustments. 

Some simple solutions to fostering high quality relationships between in-laws are found in the book Helping and Healing our Families, edited by Craig Hart. The advice includes:

Gloria Horsley's five things that every parent-in-law should avoid
  1. Giving advice
  2. Criticizing
  3. Pinning down children-in-law as to the specific reasons they are missing a family event
  4. Taking over or criticizing the disciplining of grandchildren
  5. Trying to control everyone and everything 
Also included in this stellar book, advice for daughters-in-law
  1. Disclose information about yourself
  2. Communicate regularly and openly
  3. Accept differences
  4. Use empathy
  5. Push for relational connection
Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers. Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children. Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives. To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together.  Spencer W. Kimball

As mothers, it is time to GrowUP. We need to let go, and let her be his person. This behavior communicates love and respect for our son and his wife. 

As a wife, it is time to GrowUP. We must make a conscious effort to connect with the woman who was his first love, his biggest fan. This shows love and respect for our husband and the woman who raised him. 

 It's all about LOVE!

Marriage UP
3 Things that can help you GrowUP as an In-law




Best Wishes! Erin


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