ShowUP
My bid: "We should go on a date this week"
The boy's bid: "Did you hear that the A's won again last night?"
My bid: Make eye contact with him as he enters the kitchen
The boy's bid: (after mowing) "I think that our lawn looks great"
Every person makes and receives multiple bids daily. These bids are made by our spouse, our children, the cashier at Target, and the teenager in our carpool. The struggle to recognize and respond to these bids for connection is real. It is easy to miss them, especially when we are focused on inward.My bid: Make eye contact with him as he enters the kitchen
The boy's bid: (after mowing) "I think that our lawn looks great"
What are bids?
How can we recognize them and turn towards our spouse?
How can we recognize them and turn towards our spouse?
Dr. John Gottman defines a bid as, "Any attempt from one to another for attention, affirmation, affection or any other positive connection." A bid can be as simple as a smile, a sigh, or a touch. Bids often involve a statement, question, or a request for help.
In marriage, each of us throw out emotional life-lines, or bids, to our partner and often they don't even see it coming. What is the remedy to this struggle to turn towards each other?
As we listen with our heart, we will become conscious of our partners efforts to connect. As we soften out heart, we will be willing reach out to meet our partners needs.
In marriage, each of us throw out emotional life-lines, or bids, to our partner and often they don't even see it coming. What is the remedy to this struggle to turn towards each other?
The hallmark of a long-term happy marriage is the responsiveness of a couple to each other's bids.
As we listen with our heart, we will become conscious of our partners efforts to connect. As we soften out heart, we will be willing reach out to meet our partners needs.
Marriage is not a "you scratch my back and then i'll scratch yours," arrangement. Marriage is not a game where we keep score. Marriage is not about fixing him or her. Marriage is not about responding in kind.
Marriage is about showing up for your partner. Marriage is about recognizing and responding to bids with love and compassion. Marriage is about the OTHER person. Marriage is about listening, caring and connecting.
Put down that phone. Stop washing those dishes. Let the children run wild and free. And then ShowUP. Look him in the eye, listen with heart and respond to his bid.
"I did. The A's are on a hot streak."
Marriage is about showing up for your partner. Marriage is about recognizing and responding to bids with love and compassion. Marriage is about the OTHER person. Marriage is about listening, caring and connecting.
Put down that phone. Stop washing those dishes. Let the children run wild and free. And then ShowUP. Look him in the eye, listen with heart and respond to his bid.
"I did. The A's are on a hot streak."
"I agree! The lawn looks amazing! Thank you for mowing."
Marriage UP
3 Things that can help you to ShowUP this week
This podcast: Listen for Understanding
This video: The Easiest Way to Improve Your Relationship
This Article: Marriage isn't for You
Have a blessed week, Erin
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